We often talk about, crave, and search for love. Its importance is more felt than expressed, earning it the title of the greatest virtue.
Love is complex and fascinating, especially romantic love, which remains a beautiful mystery that is hard to explain. It’s so mysterious, in fact, that we need science to help us understand it. Psychologists have much to say about why and how people fall in love.
It’s Your Brain on Love
Both men and women experience many changes during romantic love. The phrase “falling in” seems a bit inaccurate because falling in love is more akin to a high.
Elizabeth Kane, an adjunct faculty member at South University who teaches clinical psychology and behavioral sciences, explains that the first step to falling in love is initial attraction. It’s that powerful moment when we meet someone and our heart starts pounding.
Dr. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist, notes that certain chemicals, such as oxytocin and phenethylamine, play a role in the human experience and behaviors associated with love. These chemicals act like amphetamines, making us alert, excited, and eager to bond.
Kane agrees, adding that the brain supports the process of falling in love, which is why our bodies react so strongly when we feel attracted to someone. As a couple spends time together, they experience a kind of love euphoria.
As a marriage and family therapist, Kane observes that someone newly in love sees everything through the lens of love. “Most things are tolerable, and everything their partner does seems delightful,” she says.
According to Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, love consists of three elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy involves feelings of closeness, connection, and bonding. Passion combines sexual attraction and romantic desire. Commitment is the decision to stay with someone, both short and long term.
Kane points out that romantic love develops when a person feels interdependence and attachment, as well as having their psychological needs met. Researchers believe that oxytocin, released during orgasm, plays a role in the evolution of romantic love.
Understanding the psychology of falling in love can also aid therapists in treating heartbreak. A therapist who comprehends what romantic love means to a person, and the trauma of an abrupt, often unexpected end to a relationship, can help their client move forward and build resilience.
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